2017 for me has been a year of marriage, love, life, and travel. Here are some of the moments you didn’t get to see.
We have photo shoots on our burger dates.
Paris. What is up with my hair? I can explain. I was four months pregnant. Wait that’s not good enough. It was cold, rainy, and I was tired and four months pregnant.
Let’s look into each other’s eyes, while we hold this cake.
Hawaii. We were walking on these rocks looking for sea shells. I was seven months pregnant, and mom was worried I’d fall. As you can see, she’s holding my hand.
I don’t know why I have my eyes closed yall. I must have experienced some inner mermaid moment.
We’ll get this photo right at some point.
Oh, my Benjamin. He was a little over a month in this photo.
I’m thinking really hard about teleporting to London.
Now you see him,
Now you don’t.
This week I’ve felt like I’ve had to prove that I’m enough.
I still have a pile of dishes in the sink.
I still have a basket full of clean and dirty clothes.
I have another pile in Benjamin’s room.
My closet has clothes that need to go on hangers.
The guest room has piles of bags in one corner, a work related pile, and boxes in another corner.
Meanwhile, I have to pause every few times to feed Benjamin, to change his diaper, to move him from Rockaroo, to the carpet, to the sofa, to the crib, and back to the Rockaroo.
Am I enough?
Yesterday, I stopped myself from crying in the elevator because Benjamin looked up at me and smiled.
In that moment, I realized I am enough for him.
Benjamin and I were walking the isles of Babies R Us on Thursday, and I just couldn’t believe all the gadgets available for babies. I am some percent minimalist (with the exception of shoes and clothes, but that’s something I’ll be working on for 2018). When I began my baby registry, I only wanted the necessities. Some of the best purchases for me were- our 4moms rockaRoo, a manual breast pump, and coconut oil.
Benjamin spends a lot of his day both on the swing and on tummy time, so I feel the rockaRoo has been a great purchase. If you are looking to make a big purchase, I think any infant swing will work.
Some of the small purchases I like were my manual breast pump, which I leave in my car in case I need it. Honestly, I dislike pumping, so it’s very rare that I do, but it’s easier to carry around than the electric one.
And coconut oil y’all! This small purchase saved our life when we were in London. I brought it along because Benjamin has dry skin. In the middle of our trip, he got a diaper rash. We applied three different types of creams and none of them worked as effectively as the coconut oil did.
Some obvious purchases we decided to make were a crib, a stroller, and a car seat.
His crib has mostly been used for tummy time as well. Since day one, he did not like his crib. Frankly, I didn’t either. I didn’t get much sleep putting him in there. I’d frequently wake up to check that he was breathing. It worked out best for us to co-sleep. Now, he sleeps right in our bed, and I can hear him breathe, move his little arms around, kick his legs up, and when he’s hungry, he just rolls right on his side.
I think our next big purchase will be a high chair. Since he is able to sit up now, a high chair works perfectly with Baby Led Weaning. I like this idea because I don’t have to get wound up in purees or canned baby food. This way Benjamin gets to experiment with using his hands, chewing, then swallowing. They sell these really cool suction plates, but I figured it was pointless for now since things will get messy anyway. So stay tuned for photos of Benjamin smothered in avocado.
My husband took this photo of Benjamin and I in front of Westminster Abbey. Just minutes before this photo, I sat in the cold halls of Westminster, while I nursed Benjamin. I remember his cold little his hands on my chest and him chugging away. Sometimes, he’d look up at me, and I’d wonder if he knew who I was. Other times, he’d immediately pull of my breast and stare at the guest distracting his feedings.
For the first six weeks, breastfeeding was not as easy as moments before this photo. I read that it takes about six weeks for baby and mother to adjust, so I set a goal of six weeks. First, Benjamin had a poor latch because of his lip and tongue tie, so my concern was that I would experience a decrease in milk supply. I pumped and pumped and cried because I was so tired. I remember often Raul walking in the room while I pumped. Surely, he would find me crying as well. He consoled me, encouraged me and gave me options, but my heart was set on giving the best I could to Benjamin, especially because of the benefits .
This photo is a reminder of the nice things my husbands tells people. “Rose didn’t give up.”
Thinking back at those first six weeks of life still brings back tears, but I’m also reminded of the wonderful family that prayed over me. I proudly announce that we met our second goal and we are still breastfeeding and hope to continue.